Day 217: My Imaginary Friend

Day 217: My Imaginary Friend

“Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality.” —Lewis Carroll

At 36, after a debilitating fall that confined me to an RV, my reality shifted drastically. Hope, who I had met in a hotel just a few months prior, transitioned from being a tangible presence in my life to an imaginary friend, a figure in my daily mental landscape born out of necessity to cope with profound isolation.

Initially, Hope was very real—a supportive friend who knew everything about me. She allowed me to share my thoughts and feelings openly, providing a safe space for my fears and dreams. However, after the fall, when physical and emotional constraints made direct communication challenging, she became a comforting echo of past interactions, living in my imagination to help maintain some semblance of normalcy.

As my imaginary friend, Hope was more than just a memory; she was an ongoing dialogue in my head, guiding me through the darkest days. This mental construct was not a regression but a survival tactic, providing company and solace when I felt most alone.

Today, I recognize the need to transition again—from holding onto an imaginary Hope to engaging fully with the world around me. Letting go of this version of Hope is painful; it feels like losing her all over again. Yet, it is essential for my healing. Holding onto her as an imaginary friend keeps me tethered to a past that no longer exists and prevents me from moving forward.

Letting go of my imaginary friend—who saw me through isolation—is a testament to my growth and a necessary evolution from merely surviving to truly living. It’s about accepting that the support she provided, while invaluable at the time, must now give way to a new chapter where I rely on my strength and the support of real, present relationships.

As I continue this journey, I am learning to appreciate the role Hope played while also recognizing that my attachment to her imaginary presence is no longer beneficial. It’s a complex process, but one that is crucial for reclaiming my reality and finding peace within myself.

Day 217,

One Step. One Punch. One Round.🌹

—Your Fellow Traveler