Day 209: Revealed in Grief

Day 209: Revealed in Grief 

“Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you.” —John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

Today, I find myself wrestling with a heavy heart, not just because I miss what was, but because I’m grappling with the fear of what might never be. It’s on days like this that grief feels not just like a burden, but like a mirror—reflecting parts of me that I’ve only begun to understand.

I want to be happy. Truly, that’s all I desire—not just for myself, but for all of you who have walked this journey with me. Yet, admitting that I feel down today doesn’t mean I’m ungrateful or perpetually sad; it means I’m human, experiencing the full spectrum of human emotions. It means I am real.

Losing Hope, in both senses, feels like I’m losing part of my future. The future I envisioned so clearly with her is murky now, and facing that uncertainty can be terrifying. Today, I feel the weight of it all—each memory, each moment we shared, and each dream I’m afraid to let go.

But perhaps, as John Green suggests, this grief is revealing more about me than I realized. It’s showing me my depth of feeling, my capacity for love, and my resilience in the face of despair. It’s teaching me that to grieve is not to show weakness, but to show just how strong you can be—even when strength is the last thing you feel.

So, as I sit here, reflecting in the silence that once scared me, I choose to see this grief not as the end of my story, but as a part of my growth. It’s a tough teacher, but a revealing one. Every day, I learn a little more about who I am, who I was, and who I want to be.

Thank you for being here with me, for allowing me to share my heart, even when it’s heavy. Your support is a reminder that no matter how isolated I may feel, I am never truly alone. Together, we continue—one step, one punch, one round at a time.

Day 209,

One Step. One Punch. One Round.🌹

—Your Fellow Traveler